The idea of finding images of my self reflected in others, and considering the possibility that some mirrors of my self are distorted, thus reflecting back to me distorted images of my self, has been very much a part of my thinking this week.
If I look to unhealthy and dysfunctional people for a reflection of my self or some part of my self, then the reflected image will be distorted.
Also wondering about my tendency to black-or-white thinking, “either/or” rather than “both - and” thinking. I do have that tendency, no matter my growing ability to look also for the grey areas in between.
Something else I have become aware of during this week is that I tend more to reflective writing than to stream-of-consciousness writing - stopping to think along the way about something I have written and to go from there rather than just putting down the first thing that comes into my head.
Mind you, I can see that there is a place for both these kinds of writing - not necessarily an either/or choice at all, but a both one and the other as appropriate!
Perhaps, too - I am both needy and clinging as well as strong and independent. Yes - again the idea of two sides of the same coin.
And, when I look at a coin, I can only really see one side of a coin at the one time. It is not actually possible to see both sides of a coin at one and the same time. Even to hold a coin up to a mirror to see the other side of the coin in front of me is not to see it accurately, but in a distorted kind of way. It is as if one side of the coin is occluded at any point in time, and so the view of that side of the coin from the side of the coin at which I am looking will always be obscured, or inaccurate in some way.
So - what does this mean, for me?
Possibly that, when I look at my self reflected back in strong independent women, my understanding of the part of me that is needy and clingy will be distorted and inaccurate, perhaps bigger or more important, or in some other way “more than” or “better than” or “worse than,” somehow, than what I see reflected back at me in those strong, independent women - it holds me back, somehow, interferes with, prevents me also being a strong and independent woman, my self.
And possibly, too, that when I look at my self reflected back in needy and clingy women, my understanding of the part of me that is strong and independent is likewise distorted, and gets in the way of my being the person I more fully am, with both a dependent and an independent aspect to my self.
The either/or reflection of my self in another is not the whole story - it is only one side of the coin. I am both the side of the coin I can see at this moment, and the side of the coin obscured to my view in this moment.
Perhaps it is possible to see both sides of the coin at the same time? Metaphorically at least? Or have I merely been shifting focus from one side of the coin to the other when I look for - or see - a reflection of some part of my self in another who may be either dependent or independent?
Like that image from Plato, I think it was, of a person sitting in a cave and seeing the movement of shadows on the back of the cave as people walk by between the sun and the entrance to the cave? Perhaps whatever image of my self I see in another is a distortion? A distorted reflection of some truth? It is not the truth itself, but always a reflection, always a distorted reflection, of some truth. [ See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allegory_of_the_Cave for more information on Plato’s Allegory of the Cave. See also “The Cave: An Adaptation of Plato’s Allegory in Clay” at http://platosallegory.com/ for an animation of the story. ]
Now - if I have a history of being a prisoner in a cave, and a distorted understanding of reality, my view or understanding of the “real” world will be informed by that primary distorted understanding of reality, and I daresay elements of that primary distorted understanding of reality will never really be entirely replaced by any new understanding of reality derived from my experiences of and in the “real” world. Thus, freedom is relative, surely?
By the same token, I am free to make sense of my world for my self, incorporating all of the images and distortions and reflections into my self, taking what works for me and leaving the rest. Seeing what I can learn from all the images, distortions and reflections I have experienced, and re-forming them to make a whole for my self which is more real and appropriate for me!
Co-creating my life, hand-in-hand with God, as I understand God?
Mmmm ....
